John Newton's Birthday Reflections


Extracted from his diaries for his 300th Anniversary

 
Friday 24th July 1752, at sea
This being the anniversary of my birth, I think it highly proper to celebrate (not my own fortune) but the Divine Goodness which has preserved me safe and in peace to see the conclusion of another year… I am lost in wonder and unable to assign any reason for the distinguishing mercy I have met with, at my Maker's hands… Of the few and evil years I am able to number, several (I hardly dare think how many) were spent not merely in a course of offence and folly, but in a series of outrageous profaness, and avowed apostasy, wilfully opposing the truth and making a mock of sin. At length it pleased God, by an awful stroke to sweep one of my companions yet surely not my equal in iniquity into an unprepared eternity, leaving me wondering behind, and amazed at the greatness of my deliverance; by this visible Providence, in favour of a wretch in the very act of rebellion, his Grace made the first impression on my mind, which is now more than four years since…
Saturday 4th August 1753, at sea
I resolve by thy grace that I will love and serve thee and nothing but thee, that is nothing but in subordination to thee, nothing in competition with thee, nothing that is forbidden by thee… Let thy grace be sufficient for me, and suffer not the good impressions of thy Holy Spirit, to be any more bestowed in vain upon me, but may I from henceforth labour more abundantly, and be continually perfecting myself to every good work.
Friday 4 August 1758, Liverpool (from Miscellaneous Thoughts)
I am now entering upon a new year of life, I now (having met with nothing to deter me in the time I have taken to consider of it) enter upon and give myself up to a new view of life… O may [I] be accepted and owned as a faithful, honoured and happy servant, whom he shall be pleased to set over some little part of his household, to distribute them food in due season [Cecil]…
I resolve by the grace of God… to insist more fully and immediately upon three great branches of divine truth:
  The doctrine of Jesus Christ crucified
The great doctrine of Love
The doctrine, or rather, the practice of Gospel holiness…		  
Grant that what has been sown in weakness may be raised in power; that what has been transacted before thee in secret may in thy good time be brought publicly to light by the effects. 
4th August 1770, Olney (from a letter to John Thorton)
It is a day which I seldom let pass without notice, being the anniversary of my birth in the year ’25, and of a solemn surrender I made of myself to the Lord for the work of the ministry (if he should please to call me to it) in the year ’58… After waiting near six years in which time I was disappointed in many prospects and proposals, he was pleased to open an effectual door for me. Surely mercy and goodness have followed me all my days… O to grace how great a debtor, daily I’m constrained to be! 
4th August 1780, London
My entrance on my new charge of the parishes of St Mary Woolnoth and Woolchurch has been peaceful and agreeable, the Lord preparing my way, and appearances are promising. ..  I am still heard with acceptance by thy people, and have reason to hope thou wilt make me useful to some whom thou hast more immediately sent me… Oh receive and pardon me, anoint me with fresh oil, save me from myself, from the power of my corruptions, from the malice of my enemy.  Make me humble, faithful, diligent, thankful and useful.
Saturday 4 August 1781
I now enter my 57th year… Pity, pardon and accept me, I am a poor creature but I trust I am thine. And to thee I resign and devote myself again. I humbly claim thee as my God and Saviour – gracious[ly] own me for thy child and servant, and that the words of my mouth, the mediations and purposes of my heart, and the tenor of my whole life, aim and conduct, be always acceptable in thy sight, O Lord my strength and my Redeemer.
4 August 1789
Once more I attempt to set up my Ebenezer. I praise thee for all that is past, I desire to trust thee, and to yield myself to thee, for all that is to come. I this day enter the 65th year of my pilgrimage – and must expect before long, to feel my bodily and mental powers, more sensibly decline, if I am not taken away suddenly… Oh help me to decline with a good grace – thankful for the honour I have received, content and joyful to see that while I decrease, others are increasing, and coming forward to serve thee when I can do nothing. Shield me from impatience, jealousy, and every evil temper, contrary to that gentle, humble, enlarged and benevolent spirit which I have so often pointed out in the course of my ministry, as the proper effect of the Gospel.
Sunday 4 August 1793
O my Lord, my Saviour, my Benefactor. I now enter my 69th year… I have been preaching from Jacob’s acknowledgement Genesis 32:10 – which is applicable to my own case… How poor, destitute, miserable and helpless was I once, but thou hast enlarged me, given me blessings, comforts and honours. I had destroyed myself, but my help was in thee… And at length thou didst make thyself known unto me. I have had a highly favoured lot thus far. And thou hast given me good encouragement to hope, that goodness and mercy shall follow me all my days – that thou wilt be with me to the end of life, that then, I shall be with thee forever. Help me to leave the When, the How, the Where, to thee.
Thursday 4 August 1796
I now enter my 72 year. Am still able for public service, with little abatement, either of strength or facilities. Thou hast supported me more than 32 years in the Ministry. Fickle and changeable as I am, I have not been entangled by the various errors of the times, and while I have had daily proofs of the vileness and deceitfulness of my heart, my character has not been unsuitable to my profession, in the sight of men... I am saved by Grace indeed.  Only Grace could begin the good work, and Grace alone can finish it.
 
Accept a new surrender… Support me, supply me. Let me feel thy powerful magnetism, drawing me nearer and nearer to thyself. Let me see thy glory shining more clearly daily in the glass of thy Word, and changing me into thine image from Glory to Glory. Fill me with light and power, and make me thine instrument in filling others.
Tuesday 3rd August 1802
Tomorrow, if I am spared, I shall enter my seventy-eight[h] year... I would now my gracious Lord set up one more Ebenezer in this book, and praise thee for all the mercies of my past life… I thank thee for a pious mother, who endeavoured to store my mind, while very young, with religious principles and to teach me to love and reverence thy Holy Word. I have been told that from my birth, she devoted me to thy service in the Ministry. Thou didst accept and answer her prayers, but not in the way she had proposed. Thou wert pleased to remove her, in my seventh year, and then I passed into the hands of those who took little care of my morals. Thou, who didst separate me from the womb to preach thy Gospel, wast pleased that I should exhibit in my own case, a striking proof that thou didst indeed come into the world to save the very chief of sinners. I could not at once forget my mother’s instruction, but the company of wicked boys, with whom I was suffered to mix, corrupted me apace; and every new deviation, led me from bad to worse. The checks of conscience, often resisted became weaker, and at length were no more felt. So that before I was twenty years old, I was seated in the chair of the scorner; a hardened and malicious infidel, a vile and abandoned profligate.
August 4 1802
I thank thee for that awful storm and subsequent distress in March 1748 by which thou gavest the first check to my infidelity; and for all the following steps, by which I was gradually led to know more and more of the evils of my own heart, and brought forward to depend more upon thee for righteousness and strength, and thus preparing me for the Ministry… I trust thou has[t] owned my poor services from the Pulpit and the Press.  May all the Glory be thine, and may I take nothing to myself but sin and shame… My eyes, and hearing greatly fail, the shadows of the evening are coming over me. My day of opportunity must now be short. The night cometh when no man can work. O grant, that while I can speak, I may speak for thee...
4 August 1803 (from Letters to a Wife, private annotated copy)
I this day enter the Seventy-ninth year of my life.
 
O my Gracious Lord, what a singular instance of thy Mercy am I! How wonderful, that the African Apostate and Blasphemer, should be spared and be at last brought to preach, and to preach so long, the Gospel which he reviled and pertinaciously opposed! And that I am still permitted to appear in Public, and though my growing infirmities are many, thy People are still willing to hear me. Still more that Thou hast honoured, not my tongue only but my Pen and has given that acceptance and spread to my Writings which will probably make my worthless name known in all parts of the World, where the English Bible is known, and so long as the English Language shall be spoken.
Saturday 4 August 1804
Tho’ I cannot write, I long to pray & praise. I have much cause for both. O my Gracious Lord supported by thee, I this day enter my Eightieth year. My health by thy mercy is good, but my spirits are very weak...  Thy power is often magnified in the weakness of the Instrument.  I thank, for thy goodness to me, by my dear Child... We are both in thy hands, and thou art All-sufficient. May we trust, love and serve thee and always be able to say, Not my will, but thine be done.